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... other than sending me a tighter, cleaner MS than about 80%+ of the published stuff i've seen.
http://canarynoir.livejournal.com/156604.html?#cutid1
http://canarynoir.livejournal.com/156604.html?#cutid1
So I've gone over "Novel In Question" and fixed everything specific you'd pointed out. Still thinking about the couple of general comments you made, and reading through to fix other things, but I've noticed one glaring issue with the story that I'm going to take this weekend to fix.
The... young and impressionable person who wrote this story (realize I was 16 :P) had an absolute obsession with avoiding words like 'said' and using action to denote speaker instead. Given that I find it jarring, I'm going to try and reduce that usage and clear it up with replacements... which may take a while longer.
I should have a synopsis by the end of the weekend. Can't say for sure when I'll be done correcting the young idiot's mistakes ;)
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Per usual the text very slightly altered to protect my life. :-D
The... young and impressionable person who wrote this story (realize I was 16 :P) had an absolute obsession with avoiding words like 'said' and using action to denote speaker instead. Given that I find it jarring, I'm going to try and reduce that usage and clear it up with replacements... which may take a while longer.
I should have a synopsis by the end of the weekend. Can't say for sure when I'll be done correcting the young idiot's mistakes ;)
___
Per usual the text very slightly altered to protect my life. :-D
.