This video reminded me of some of the stories I've seen that have rather sharply juxtaposed elements, some working well, some working horribly most working for only a very small slice of the market. I suspect this video falls into one of the latter to categories.


Thanks Mel

onyxhawke: (Default)
( Sep. 20th, 2008 07:22 pm)
Being an evil agent can be pretty fun. There's kicking puppies which never gets old, telling vegetarians they smell like prey, ripping the tags off mattresses, and of course the fresh tastes of victory and vengeance as another domino falls in the plan for world conquest.


Then too there is the simple ability to inspire awe and envy by posting one simple picture.






onyxhawke: (Default)
( Aug. 27th, 2008 02:03 pm)
Ok, half of the reason I've posted so little since getting home from Worldcon is that I'm busy, the other half is just that i don't have anything interesting to say that doesn't require absurdist levels of four letter words.

so who has something they want to see me discuss, or do on a regular basis? I'm not saying i will, just that I'm curious.
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Aug. 24th, 2008 06:54 pm)
I don't normally do politics. And it's been an interesting year to abstain from such, but this is entirely to funny not to share.

Besides, I can justify it to myself by saying it's good brain fodder for the urban fantasy and mil sf writers.

Really, its a public service.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/aug/21/uselections2008.barackobama
Yesterday's  Shmoozing 101 panel was fun. Unfortunately Ginjer Buchanan wasn't with us, but thanks to Mary Robinette Kowal and John Sclazi, it was a fantastic panel. I like panels that don't suffer from dead air and panic as people realize they will have to actually talk instead of just sit at the table and hope someone will buy somethign in the dealers room or art room with their name on it.

Schmoozing 101 was a lot of fun, I'd never met John Scalzi before even if I've commented on his blog a couple times, Mary i met and got a ride to the con hotel from the overflow at WFC Austin and have run into a couple times since. The two of them did a lot of the work and I chimed in to the person who said "don't be stupid." I don't think i actually said it in those words, but I'm sure the sentiment got across.

I did get to meet a couple of my readers, and someone who submitted something to me during the Winter Workout and was willing to speak to me anyway.

For those who hadn't noticed, there is a full page ad for Lunacon in the program book right next to the one featuring Lois Bujolds new series. There is also a full page color ad that features both Slow Train and Pyramid Power, both of which are available for pre-order.


Today i have two events.

one is an eleven thirty panel The Agent Behind the Curtain in room 506, and the other is immediately after at 1pm a signing in Hall D. After that i can go back to being invisible and maybe go to lunch. Please stop by the signing even if just to say hello, feel free to pitch your book to me.

For those who know them: Silverdrake, and Mike, The Hoyt Collective Family, Kate Paulk, Greg D, Cynthia Gonslaves, and a few others are here.

Oh yeah, for anyone at the con who hasn't discovered it there's free Wi-Fi on the 16h street mall, its the "Downtown DenverWiFI" network, I'm able to sign into it sitting in the lobby of the Sheraton Plaza.

Cheers,
Yes, life has left me busy enough to nearly forget the contest.

I will announce the winner in this post. I promise. But first:

My panel schedule for WorldCon;

Worldcon )


Standard plea to Congoers;

If you see me wandering around at a time I'm supposed to be at a panel please point me in the right direction. I'm very good at losing track of time at cons.

Volunteers!

I need three for horrible duties via LJ during Worldcon.
Please comment, and I'll ask you what I want via either the LJ message service or one of the IM platforms.

Contest!
And the winner is....

Well first i really need to thank everyone who participated because these were just hilarious to read. The LOLCATZ one was fun, the sheer inanity of quite a few, and the good fun of them all. The winner is going to the one that combined uselessness of actual text, psychopathy, criminality, and pure iron plated resistance to good sense the best, all without showing an overall deficit of writing skill. The author of the gem below should contact me via email soon so I can get their prize shipped. My comments are between the "[" and "]".
Contest )

I think I'll have to do this contest again sometime not so soon.





onyxhawke: (Default)
( Jul. 20th, 2008 10:18 pm)
MrMeval turns in proof that there is no need for the agent to actually open the book with a grammatic demolition derby:
"As he thrust his quavering blade into the unyeilding flesh he felt a burning power and smote the foul beast. In it's death throws the fare maiden fell and he catches her quickly. He takes his newly freed bride to his starship their to roam the heavens looking for fame and fortune."

The fab SarahaHoyt scores a one line TKO with the amazing presumptuousness of her first line:

Dear Mr. Hawke,

I am delighted to announce that I have picked your agency to represent my definitive opus on the human condition.

Right behind her is another delightful lady:
Sartorias:

Dear Agent:

Herewith find my novel MICHELANGELO D.N.A., which is a sequel to Dan Brown's DA VINCI CODE. My writer's group all voted me the best writer of the year, based on this novel. Everyone at work has read this novel, and says it's far superior to DA VINCI CODE. My parents are hard critics of novels, but they both were fascinated and couldn't put it down.

Which is about the neatest way of proclaiming you know nothing about the industry, and are having been set up will probably be the type of whiner who goes crying to the world when their work is rejected.

Not to be out done Robert Hoyt chimes in displaying a charming flair for lack of contact with reality.

I would like you to know that I must insist my story be provided to the public freely, since the enlightenment I have reached should not be subject to mortal prices; but I think that I can count on you to think about the good that this book can do and work just as hard, even without money as an incentive. When you respond, I’ll gladly mail you the six cardboard boxes containing my novel. Do not worry about the fifty blank pages at the end, I invested them with my K’oldorta so that they would guide the reader to the ending in his(or her, although that’s rare) mind.

Tomorrow, or the next day... well soon, The Winner!
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Jul. 15th, 2008 10:45 pm)
Come on y'all, you can do better than this!

There's some that are ok, but at this point I might as well just pick a number out of a hat.

Sheesh, most of you claim you're writers! Get creative, and subtle!
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Jul. 14th, 2008 03:09 am)
Ok. Do your wost. I mean best, whatever. Write me a plausible, but hideous cover letter. The contest runs from right now, until 1am et Wednesday 7/16.

Winner will be announced as soon as i make my decision.
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Jun. 3rd, 2008 04:47 pm)
Well, since one or two of you are enjoying your Slow Train to Artcturus reading, and its four months until the that book is released, I figured I could help by pointing out that Amazon in their infinite desire to help readers is having a sale. They are doing their 4 for 3 special. Among the ones available are;
A Mankind Witch by Dave Freer ( a fantasy novel)
The Forlorn by Dave Freer ( His debut novel, science fiction)
Rats, Bats and Vats by Dave Freer and Eric Flint (science fiction)
Pyramid Scheme by Eric Flint and Dave Freer (fantasy)
Incidentally, there are sequels to both of the last two. Enjoy.

P.S. Slow Train is available for preorder.
<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sGoM5lx-irQ&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sGoM5lx-irQ&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Feb. 7th, 2008 10:44 pm)
Work Reward by Intelligent Thorough Execution.
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Feb. 6th, 2008 10:31 pm)
Wow! What a response, it looks like there's about a twenty five percent increase over last year. And quality wise, i think the percent that made it past chapter one is almost absurdly high. Right now, I'm probably going to do the one that's open and then call it a day. Yes I know I'm a slacker, only about twenty six so far since midnight. Unfortunately, I'm starting to get incoherent even for me. At this point I'm too tired to give more than one or two more a fair read.

One the subject of submissions that have made it past one chapter, I would prefer if you each gave me forty five days from the day you receive notice to either offer my services or give a rejection from something past the first chapter.

And while i make no money for saying it: Svedka vodka is nice.

I should get to at least the first chapter of everyone I haven't at least done the first chapter for tomorrow or Friday the latest. After everyone's first chapter has been read I will start those that have been held back in earnest. Please note that this applies to the submissions sent to the WW@onyxhawke.com email address and not to the ones sent to the regular box, those i should be reading again in two weeks or so.
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Feb. 5th, 2008 08:19 pm)
We are now under four hours from when I start reading. The turnout is looking like it will be even better than last year. Better still it looks like a better mix of genres as well. I'm well stocked with submissions, coke, vodka, mixers, and and junk food. There's chicken in the fridge, and chili in the crockpot.

So, since i'm feeling obscenely generous, an amazing thing given that I'm still sober...for anyone who has submitted, who couldn't decide what to send. Go ahead, send a second if you have it, but it may not be in the same world and must also follow all guidelines.
Let the madness begin. The Winter Workout is here and you may now submit. You may also tell ten friends, or even twenty.

Cheers,

Mike
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Feb. 2nd, 2008 02:27 am)
Last piece before bed:

Bad Writer! No Agent!

My website clearly states I do not do query letters.


Mike
First, I must apologize. I lied. Others lied and i abetted them. There really is a secret hand shake. Pay attention, take notes, post it above your computer, on you fridge, get it laminated and post it in your shower too. This is the most valuable thing you will ever hear about this or any other business.

The very firm, probable date for the Winter Workout is 12/28. If I have to reschedule I will post then. Submission period will start at least 24 hours ahead of time and run until about 8am on the 28th.
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Dec. 3rd, 2007 11:56 am)
Effective immediately The OnyxHawke Agency will now begin accepting non-fiction in three categories.
History, Political Science/Commentary and Psychology

Submissions:
All non fiction books must include at time of submission:
  • Educational credentials
  • Glossary of terms and acronyms.
  • Must be referenced. All books submitted with only a list of sources and no foot/end notes or other in text references will be rejected as plagiarism
  • Must have as little as possible in the way of references from any of the contributors
  • Must include in a separate file the complete contact information for all contributors and include their educational credentials and publishing credits.
  • No "pop psychology" or self help books.
  • There really is a line between history and political science, please keep your opinions out of the main text of the history books.
  • Desired sales positioning: general non fiction, text book, other.
My website will be updated with this info as well as soon as I remember to get my wonderful webmistress to do so.
onyxhawke: (Default)
( Nov. 9th, 2007 07:49 pm)
The con so good it took five days to recover from.

So, fun people at the con i wished I'd talked to more:
J.V. Jones, Lois Bujold, David Coe, Marissa Lingen, Elizabeth Bear, Kristen Britain, Julie Czernada and a half hundred others I didn't write down the names of and didn't know.

People I unfairly monopolized the time of:
David Drake, Sarah and Dan Hoyt, C.E. Murphy, Kate Paulk, Darwin Garrison, Ekatrina and Chris Sedia.

Ships I passed in the Con:
James Maxey, Mark Newton, Lucienne Diver, Mary Kowal, Sean Wallace, David Anthony Durham, and more...

Person I'm most likely to get into trouble hanging around with:
Tempest

As much as I like talking to and listening to the non-pro's at cons (just try to shut me up, really) I think i like last year better as a professional environment. The fans are great, and the nearly ready for publication are fun and who i depend on for my client base. But WFC is really a free form business meeting, and some pro's felt intimidated. I noticed there were a lot who seemed bemused to be at a WFC that had  almost as many fans as industry pro's. I know some pro's never go to any other cons but i think there are better cons for meeting the pro's in meet-the-fans-mode.

And now for the pics!
That was my fun, busy, and dizzying WFC, next con Arisia 2008.
.

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